I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize