Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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