I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
