Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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