My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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