Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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