Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
