You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
