$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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