Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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