I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
