soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
