Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
