Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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