i was born a porn star she said
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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