I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I faked an abortion last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
