We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
