Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
