the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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