well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
