My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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