she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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