dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
