dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
