It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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