you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
