i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
