I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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