Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
