Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
