So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
God, I missed his penis.
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