it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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