Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
