we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
