Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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