Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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