I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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