There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She tied me up with her honor cords...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
