Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize