Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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