My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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