I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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