my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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