Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize