I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
