I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
