If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
