I want to stick my p in your. b.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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