The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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