So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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