3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
