Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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