smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
