My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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