I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
