Define "chronic" masturbator.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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