Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
