Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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