We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
