Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize