It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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