Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
as a side note pls kill me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
