I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
