I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
