We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
