he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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