You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
