I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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