My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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