it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
