the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Houston, we have a squirter
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
