i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
