I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Your dad touched me again.
She's the barista slut.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
