mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
