First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
