Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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