If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
