Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Randomize
