I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
